Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
