Do you still have your period?
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
