in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
