i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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