I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize