um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
