Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
