I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Randomize
