...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
