I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
