I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I think I sprained my soul last night
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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