The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize