I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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