whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Randomize
