just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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