You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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