i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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