Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
