Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
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he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
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Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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