he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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