So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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