high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
