So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I intend to get homeless drunk
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
