Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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