Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
