i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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