were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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