This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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