is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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