a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
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