At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
