I just pynch a tree in the face
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
