Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
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