apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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