I'm gonna have a badass scar
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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