I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
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She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
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He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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