capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
