I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
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