So drunk its hurt
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
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Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
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I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...