He disabled his match.com account in front of me
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
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Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
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Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."