She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
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I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
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he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.