My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
