Texts From Last Night

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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.

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  (401): i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care. http://tfl.nu/npdd
  Replies (10) Good night (2966) Bad night (648)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...

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  (724): i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it... http://tfl.nu/6i0l
  Replies (12) Good night (1165) Bad night (3756)
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  (469): View more from Texas

  I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...

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  (469): I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra... http://tfl.nu/hira
  Replies (45) Good night (6359) Bad night (1185)
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one

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  (803): just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one http://tfl.nu/7c6m
  Replies (12) Good night (3976) Bad night (1478)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.

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  (608): Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard. http://tfl.nu/diwn
  Replies (15) Good night (4569) Bad night (1045)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.

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  (503): I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it. http://tfl.nu/30lr
  Replies (12) Good night (2560) Bad night (962)
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.

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  (918): he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy. http://tfl.nu/so4p
  Replies (5) Good night (1221) Bad night (2647)
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  (228): View more from Mississippi

  I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention

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  (228): I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention http://tfl.nu/1mmd
  Replies (6) Good night (1543) Bad night (757)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes

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  (519): If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes http://tfl.nu/ayyp
  Replies (29) Good night (4101) Bad night (1239)
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.

  (816): View more from Missouri

  Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from

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  (913): The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero. (816): Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from http://tfl.nu/rsiz
  Replies (9) Good night (2663) Bad night (616)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.

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  (860): You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie. http://tfl.nu/zzfj
  Replies (17) Good night (3380) Bad night (993)
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  (607): View more from New York

  I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs

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  (607): I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs http://tfl.nu/5n4l
  Replies (16) Good night (512) Bad night (2525)
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  (434): View more from Virginia

  High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.

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  (434): High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world. http://tfl.nu/0gxn
  Replies (3) Good night (695) Bad night (398)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?

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  (410): There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him? http://tfl.nu/lo67
  Replies (20) Good night (652) Bad night (968)
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  (210): View more from Texas

  How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt

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  (210): How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt http://tfl.nu/wi7k
  Replies (2) Good night (546) Bad night (238)

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