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I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
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