He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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