I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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