Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
