I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
