I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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