I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
