Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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