He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
