Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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