i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
