I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
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