Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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