Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
