just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
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