I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
