Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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