she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
