she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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