I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
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