It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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