we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
