I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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