Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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