You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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