Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
