we're chasing vodka with high fives
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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