I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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