Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
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