That's intense
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
