No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
