One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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