The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
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Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
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i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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