dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
