It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
