I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
