Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
