so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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