this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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