so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
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