What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
