I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
