Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
