So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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